


wildflowers (in half bloom)

by gingerblossom



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friends Huening Kai & Kang Taehyun, Hanahaki Disease, Huening Kai Is Bad At Feelings, M/M, Past soogyu, alternative universe, florist soobin, model yeonjun, one sided tyunning, past yeonbin, photographer beomgyu, well everyone is this story is a mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:55:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23332717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gingerblossom/pseuds/gingerblossom
Summary: Soobin only nodded in a half smile, looking at the younger walking away from the park, his words echoing into his mind. His head started to spin, suddenly he didn’t feel well, his breathing becoming heavy as if something was choking him. Tears started to fall uncontrollably, his whole body shaking, everything stopped when he finally managed to cough – a bunch of coral pink rose petals falling over his lap, his shoes and over the ground.
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Choi Yeonjun, Choi Soobin/Huening Kai
Comments: 20
Kudos: 69





	1. i just want to know, how far from me to you.

**Author's Note:**

> hewwo cuties °ʚ(*´꒳`*)ɞ°  
> first of all thank you all for decided to click ￫ on my story! i wrote this piece last year and somehow i decided it would fit our lovely txt so i rewrote it with them as main characters. some things would be confusing at first but!! don't worry !! i'll leave little notes in the further chapters to make some details clearer for everyone ♡ also english is not my first language so be gentle with me ;;___;;
> 
> title for the story and the chapters came from the song wildflowers by haiva ru!! (pls listen to it its really beautiful )
> 
> now sit back and relax, this will be a very long (and painful??) journey ♡

The summertime for Soobin at young age meant only one thing: visiting his grandparents in the countryside. As many other kids in his age hated the idea, preferring spending their holidays at the beach or playing computer games, the little boy was very thrilled about the idea of visiting his elders. The house was immersed in the nature, his granny’s cuisine was the best in the world and his grandpa took him around to pick up fruits and vegetables they planted in their garden. Soobin liked everything about it, from the sounds of cicadas singing under the sun to the fresh breeze of the summer night, the sky at night was so clear he could see a lot of stars with his bare eyes. But the thing he liked the most was the quietness of the countryside, along with the big amount of plants and flowers he could find every day in a new place.  
  
That day was a hot one, Soobin had just finished exploring the zone at the east side of his grandparent’s house; looking between the lush vegetation the boy found the rest of an old house, only the brick walls and parts of the ceiling were still up, the plants grown in every corner making it look like some mysterious hideout. The little boy felt lucky, that would be a good place to spend the rest of the afternoon – he thought, taking out from his back pocket a book; the brunette first looked around thoughtfully, there was nothing to sit over that wasn’t dirty. Soobin sighed, his mom would have killed him if he dirtied his pants. With a frowned expression he took out from his right pocket a handkerchief, laying it on the ground so he could sit over it and started reading.  
  
Soobin was in the middle of the chapter when he heard something moving in between the leaf. His eyes quickly lifted from the pages, only to meet the figure of a small boy standing in front of him; the little stranger was wearing a bandage over his right eye and a black bandana was tied between his bowl cut hair, his clothes and his knees were quite dirt.  
  
“Who are you? What are you doing in my secret base?”  
  
The little boy screamed, branding in the air a wooden sword. Soobin couldn’t help but laugh at the scene, the boy was being too cute – trying to intimidate him with a threating expression.  
  
“My name is Soobin, I’m sorry for the intrusion, I didn’t know this place was yours.”  
  
The brunette spoke in a soft tone, the little boy looked at him for a couple of seconds, his sharp eyes being all widened as he listened to his words. He took a couple of steps forwards, offering his dirty hand to the other.  
  
“I’m Huening Kai”  
  
The little boy simply stated, his chest being pumped in proud. Soobin hold his hand, he didn’t like the idea of dirt himself, but his mom would be disappointed if he didn’t behave well.  
  
“How old are you, Kai?”  
“Eight! And you?”  
  
Kai showed eight exact fingers, his hands were so tiny in compare of his own, Soobin thought as he lifted up both of his hands, making a 10.  
  
“ Waa, then you’re a hyung... ops.”  
  
The smaller boy chuckled, scratching his head while making a big smile showing of all of his crooked teeth. He was so cute. Soobin quickly shook his head, smiling too.  
  
“It doesn’t matter, don’t worry.”  
  
Kai nodded as he sat himself near the older, looking at him carefully now that he was closer, Soobin felt his cheeks burning – sometimes he hated being that shy.  
  
“What were you doing here, anyway?”  
“I was reading..”  
  
The small boy leaned his head to the right, his eyes landing over the book that was resting over the elder’s lap. His lips curled in a funny expression as he thought about something for a while. Suddenly the younger stood up and ran out of the abandoned house. Soobin blinked his eyes, asking himself what the boy was doing. Two minutes and the smaller returned inside holding a bunch of flowers in his hand, his big eyes staring at Soobin as he offered the improvised bouquet.  
  
“You know Soobin hyung, I’m a pirate. Dad said I’m too young to be a captain but that’s my dream and you’re really soft and beautiful and smart because you read, like the princess in the pirates story, so do you want to be my princess?”  
  
Kai blabbered everything in one sentence, his small chest rising rapidly as he tried to breath – his puffy cheeks being all rosy under the dirt. Soobin looked at him surprised, his hands came to hold the flowers before even realising it. Their smell was beautiful, and inside the bouquet there were species he didn’t catalogue yet. A smile naturally grown over the elder’s lips as he nodded happily.  
  
“I’d like to be your princess, captain Huening Kai”  
  


  
  
Soobin didn’t expect to find such a good friend in Huening Kai, he was used to be alone during his holiday at his grandparents’ house but since he met the little boy, every day was spent exploring a new side of the country, looking through camps and woods, discovering new places, new flowers. Soobin carefully reported all their adventure in his journal, Kai was amazed about how ordinated Soobin was – the more time passed, more Kai was convinced that Soobin was a prince for real. Summer ended quickly, way too quickly for Soobin’s like.  
The day his parents came to take him back to the city was the worst day of his life, Kai cried so hard while hugging him tightly, clenching at the elder’s body to not let him go.

“We’ll see each other next summer”

Soobin murmured softly at the younger, caressing his humid cheeks to clean the tears away. Kai puffed them, looking at him with a frowned expression.

“Promise me!”

The smaller boy growled, sticking out his little finger while his lips curled in a pout. Soobin quickly wrapped the younger’s finger with his own, locking them tightly.

“Promise.”

The young boy calmed down a bit only then, showing a big smile to the brunette. Soobin smiled tenderly at him, his hand coming to ruffle the younger’s hair before placing a kiss on the top of his head.

“Soobin, we’re going!”

His mother screamed from the car, her perfect shoes tapping over the dirt road, waiting for her son to come. Soobin sighed, giving his last goodbye to Kai before walking to his parents. The younger waved at him, keeping on doing it even when the car started to move – from inside the vehicle, Soobin kept his eyes glued to Kai until he didn’t become a little point in the horizon.

* * *

Since the start of middle school, summer for Soobin only meant one thing: study. His mother didn’t send him to his grandparents’ house anymore, his nose was constantly buried in books, giving his best to memorize notes over notes, paragraph over paragraph. His mind during the years often wandered away, making itself lost in the thought of what was happening in the countryside, if Huening Kai was waiting for him.

The torture luckily ended when he graduated from high school with the best grades, for his mother’s happiness he managed to get accepted into Seoul National University – she even agreed on letting him study natural science, as she only liked the idea to have her only son studying at one of the most important university in the country. Soobin was quite happy, his lessons were great, and he was now able to enjoy his summer vacations without his mother being cling to his back, nagging him to study.  
The sun was particularly hot that day, Soobin almost felt he was about to melt inside his white tank top, the street light didn’t seem to want to turn on green, letting him roast under the sunlight – god only knew how much he craved for the fresh shadow at the other side of the road, and an ice cream too. He let out a satisfied sigh when the light finally turned green, his steps fast as he ran to reach the other side of the street.

“Hey, princess”

Soobin suddenly heard from behind as he just reached the sidewalk, the nickname made him turn around fast, so fast his head almost snapped from his neck. A boy was standing there, his eyes fixed over Soobin’s figure, his uniform hanging messily over his not so small body, Kai grew up beautifully – he got taller too but still he was shorter than him by few inches and his glare was deep, unmoved, staring deeply at the other’s eyes.

“Huening Kai?”

The boy nodded before showing a smile, his teeth were now perfect like they were a collection of pearls. Soobin knew he couldn’t be wrong; a smile curled the elder’s lips instantly, his arms moving before the brain dictated the input, already wrapping the smaller boy in a tight hug.

“What are you doing here?”  
“Going to school?”

The younger joked, pointing at his brand new uniform when the other untangled him from his hold – Soobin laughed, the brunette didn’t seem to lose his humour during the years.

“I mean what are you doing here in Seoul.”  
“Ah, well. Mom remarried recently and we decided to move since her new husband didn’t like the country life, I suppose.”

Kai shrugged his shoulders, Soobin was about to speak when someone roughly pushed the younger from behind, making him collide onto his chest. Only then the older realized they were still in the middle of the road. He quickly wrapped his arms around Kai, keeping him close as he bowed his head to the man who just run into them.

“We’re a bit, uhm,”  
“Yes… I think I should go now; I can’t be late on my first day”  
  
Huening Kai took two steps behind making sure to leave enough space between their bodies, his cheeks slightly red in embarrassment. Soobin nodded, a little smile still lingering on his lips as he felt really warm in the place where Kai’s face laid a minute ago.  
  
“You should go, yes..”  
“Before I leave, can I have your number?”  
  
The younger boy cleared his throat, his big eyes fixed over Soobin’s one as he took out his phone, waiting for the older to type over it. Twenty seconds passed before Soobin’s brain reacted to the situation, his fingers tapping quickly his number over the screen.  
Kai smiled so brightly, Soobin was sure that smile burned more than the sun of late August. Ten years had pass since the last time Kai and Soobin were together, but from the moment they met again it was like it didn’t pass at all. Spending his time with the younger became Soobin’s favourite part of the day; after they accidentally met on the street there wasn’t a day where they weren’t together, catching up all the things they lost about each other.  
Soobin talked about his growing passion about flowers and nature, he finally had time to explain why he didn’t go to the countryside anymore. Kai told him about his mom’s new husband, how their moving to a big city went, he even said that his new dream was now becoming a musician instead of a pirate.

* * *

“Can you spare some time for me too?”

Yeonjun once asked, two weeks since the last time he saw Soobin; the older looking at him in the eyes, the brunette hesitate a bit. He felt guilty, he didn’t meant to forget about him.  
Yeonjun was a senior he met in high school, they got closer thanks to a science project –Soobin didn’t have a lot of friends during his school years, Yeonjun was the first he actually let get closer to himself.  
Yeonjun was also the one who made him realize his sexuality – Soobin was already aware of the fact he never liked girls in a romantic way, Yeonjun only gave him the ultimately proof about it, kissing him on the lips on the day of his high school graduations. They’ve been dating since then, one year into it he couldn’t help but feel extremely guilty.

“I’m sorry, hyung”

Soobin whispered, climbing into the elder’s bed to lie down next to him, his lips curled in a pout as he took his hands to caress his blue hair.

“What’s so great about this Kai guy? You only talk about him and meet him... Should I be jealous?”

“What are you saying… He’s a childhood friend”

Yeonjun narrowed his eyes, looking thoughtfully at the younger for a couple of times before sighing, his hands grabbing the brunette’s chin to bring him closer and kiss his lips a couple of time.

“When I can meet him?”

The blue-haired boy asked, Soobin felt his heart sinking inside his chest as he didn’t know what to say. He kept quiet for a while, his eyes darting away to avoid the other’s gaze.

“You didn’t tell him, right?”

“Mh..”

Yeonjun couldn’t blame the other if he didn’t feel comfortable enough to talk openly about it yet. He just wished to be introduced as the boyfriend he was, after all September was about to begin; autumn was quietly approaching but summer didn’t seem to give up yet.

* * *

The night breeze got a little fresher, Soobin got to notice as he walked outside the restaurant, his cheeks slightly rosier because of the couple of beer he drank before. Yeonjun leaned an arm over him, his nose sniffling at the sweet scent of his dark hair, making Soobin chuckle.  
He didn’t know what happened to him that night, maybe it was because of the alcohol, maybe the fault was on the stars who shined so brightly in the sky – Soobin lost is consciousness, his lips pressing over the taller one without caring that they were in the middle of the street, he finally felt free.

“Soobin?”

The familiar voice rang inside the blonde’s head like the sound of a thunder, Soobin moved away from the elder’s body rapidly, a confused Huening Kai standing two feet away from them, his eyebrows furrowed.

“Kai..”

He whispered as he took a step forward, the younger shook his head – he didn’t understand, what was going on? Why Soobin was kissing a random guy in the middle of the street? “Ah, so you’re Kai. Finally I can meet you” Yeonjun grinned, his hands coming forward with the expectation to introduce himself to the brunette.

“Who are you?”  
“Choi Yeonjun, I’m Soobin’s boyfriend”

Kai frowned ever more, what was supposed to mean? Boyfriend? But Soobin wasn’t a girl. Yes, when he was eight, he thought Soobin was a princess but now they were all grown up, they were both male too, why would they… The younger took his hands to cover his mouth, he couldn’t believe that.  
Before saying anything else he ran away, leaving the two guys there.

“Huening Kai!!”

Soobin yelled, his eyes teary as the younger’s back became more and more tinier as he ran. He didn’t think about it twice to run behind him, not listening to Yeonjun calling him. Founding Huening Kai was not easy, but he couldn’t go too far –Soobin thought as he looked around, the streets were so quiet that late at night.

After fifteen minutes and the complete neighbourhood being hunted down, Soobin managed to find Kai sat on a bench in a small park, his head low looking down. Quietly, Soobin sat beside him without saying a word.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”  
“I’m sorry” “Were you ashamed?”  
“A bit..”

Soobin confessed, his gaze was fixed over the sky, he couldn’t bear to look at the younger who was now looking at him.

“Does he make you happy?”  
“Yes, I suppose..”

Kai nodded at the elder’s words, a little sigh escaping from his lips as the blonde finally decided to look at him. Their eyes met in a contact that was too solid to be broke, their gaze locked into each other’s orbits – Kai’s one wandered only once, down to the elder’s pink plump lips, the imagine of that guy kissing him wasn’t leaving him alone.  
Kai, in all the eighteen years he lived, never thought about kissing another guy before that very night. He felt his palm itch in a strange sensation.

“Hyung, can I try something?”  
“Uhm?”  
Before the older could reply, Kai leaned in to press his lips over Soobin’s one, kissing him slowly. Soobin’s lips were soft as they looked, a bittersweet taste lingering on them, the elder’s dark hair tickling his cheeks.  
Kai moved away after a couple of minutes, his eyes blinking – Soobin’s heart was beating so fast in his chest, the tip of his ear becoming red as he didn’t understand why the younger did that.

“Exactly like I thought, nothing special...”

Kai murmured, shrugging his shoulders before standing up and shake his head, stretching his arm up.

“Sorry for the bother hyung, I hope your...friend? didn’t feel offended. Say I apologize to him. Now I’m going, see you around”

Soobin only nodded in a half smile, looking at the younger walking away from the park, his words echoing into his mind. His head started to spin, suddenly he didn’t feel well, his breathing becoming heavy as if something was choking him.  
Tears started to fall uncontrollably, his whole body shaking, everything stopped when he finally managed to cough – a bunch of coral pink rose petals falling over his lap, his shoes and over the ground.


	2. i'm falling apart quite beautifully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hewwo again (ꈍᴗꈍ)♡  
> i'm back with the second chapter hehe, i'm very thankful for every kudos and comments they mean a lot to me ;;___;;  
> we're getting a bit more into details with this chapter but things will still looking a bit confusing - don't worry about that, i'll explain more in the next updates, a lot of details need to come up first uwu
> 
> for now, take a seat and enjoy! ♡

It was already quite dark when Soobin saw Huening Kai again after that time. The older had been busy with his courses, a lot of essay to write and an infinite list of books that waited for him to be studied. He didn’t come out of his house often in order to have the best concentration on his studies, that day Yeonjun forced him to go out, at least taking a bit of fresh air and relax his mind. Soobin took his advice not in the rightful way; with his bag filled with books, he got out of his house only to visit the library.  
Skipping lunch, he went on a full immersion for four hours straight – he stopped only when his eyes started to burn and his back hurt. Satisfied he looked at the amount of work he did and decided to call it end for the day. Outside the sun was already setting, beautiful shades of pink and orange were reflecting over the pale surface of the snow, Soobin breathed in deeply, he didn’t feel that happy for a while. With a smile on his face he decided to treat himself a cup of hot chocolate, his hard work needed to be repaid but his good mood was about to be crushed in a matter of minutes.

  
Walking out of the café with his cup in one hand, the first thing Soobin’s eyes met was the unmistakable figure of Huening Kai, walking towards the same place he just got out from with a girl. She was petite, making Kai looking even more tall than he already was at his side, her hair falling prettily over her shoulders, he couldn’t see her face from afar, but she seemed quite pretty.  
Kai smiled at her, his hand holding hers in a tight grip, Soobin couldn’t hear their conversation but it was so clear, even from where he was staying, that Kai was laughing. His smile was so bright, his moves so gentle as the brunette placed a hand over the girl’s head, patting his hair a couple of time. Soobin felt tears forming at the edge of his eyes, his throat clenching in search of air – he felt again like that night; no, not like that that, even worse.  
  
Soobin didn’t realize he was standing there without moving until Kai was dangerously close, now staring at him with a surprised expression.  
  
“Oh hyung, it’s been awhile!”  
  
The younger greeted him with a smile, making the taller boy almost believing that he could blind him with it. Happiness looked good on Huening Kai. Soobin replied with an half smile and a little bow of his head.  
  
“Yes, mh, I was busy studying... sorry if I didn’t text you anymore.”  
“Aye, don’t worry about it, school was a pain in the ass for me too”  
  
Kai sniffled, the girl beside him chuckled as if the boy just made the world’s greatest joke; Soobin refrained himself from snorting, she was so pathetic, trying to impress him with those useless ways.  
  
“May I ask.. who are you?”  
  
Soobin gathered all his courage to ask that question, he didn’t really want to know the reply, but curiosity was eating him alive from the inside.  
  
“She’s Yuna, we go to the same school but she’s a year younger than me”  
“And I’m dating him!”  
  
The blonde haired girl curled his pink lips in a smirk that looked almost devilish to Soobin, his eyes glued to her as she clutched to Kai’s arm, the brunette scratched his head in embarrassment, his eyes avoiding Soobin’s gaze.  
  
“So she’s your girlfriend?”  
“Oh well.. kind of…”  
  
The boy nodded, a soft smile lingering over his face as Soobin held his cup strongly without even realizing it; the girl, Yuna or whatever her name was, seemed quite happy with the reply Kai gave.  
  
“It was nice to meet you, Yuna. I’d like to stay more but I have a lot of work to do so if you can excuse me”  
  
The brunette bowed his head a little before starting to move away, he tried so hard to make himself disinterested as he walked away, his steps getting faster, his mind trying to repulse the instinct to turn around and see if the couple went inside the café.  
No. He shouldn’t care, why he even cared in first place? His heart raced into his chest; he didn’t even realize that his pace got so fast he was practically running. By the time he reached his dormitory his breath was completely out, he gasped for air but nothing came in, his chest started to hurt so much he had to grab it, clenching the soft material of his jumper, almost tearing it a part. Tears flowed down his cheeks uncontrollably, he couldn’t control his body anymore – like that night, but this time stronger. Soobin closed his eyes trying to calm down, counting slowly from 1 to 10, breathing in and breathing out.  
  
Nothing seemed to work, panic stared to spread inside him. Luckily enough, Yeonjun appeared from around the corner just in time. He rushed towards his shaking friend, hugging him strongly and caressing his back.  
  
“Soobin what’s happening? Please breath, everything is alright I’m here now”  
  
The brunette shook his head, his cold hands grabbing Yeonjun’s coat, looking at him through the tears. He just wanted it to stop.  
  
“Please Yeonjun... make it stop...”  
“What? What I should stop?”  
  
With trembling fingers, Soobin indicated his chest area – the pain was unbearable, he couldn’t breathe anymore, his head span and his legs almost gave out. Yeonjun held him up, his arms wrapped around his body.  
  
“Should I call the ambulance?”  
  
Soobin shook his head again, he knew that no doctor could help him as soon as he managed to cough. Like the last time, a bunch of petals fell on the ground and over Yeonjun’s coat but the older didn’t seem to realize it, even when Soobin tried to clean him from them. The brunette frowned, not understanding what was happening.  
  
“What… are you doing?”  
“Nothing, nothing… I feel better now, can we go inside?”  
  
Yeonjun nodded, taking the younger up in bridal style – even if Soobin protested with a thin voice, the older didn’t let him down until they reached his accommodation, laying him gently over the bed and tucking him up.  
As he watched the younger falling asleep Yeonjun caressed his face slowly, he never saw Soobin being so much in pain. He didn’t know what hurt him that bad, but he was sure about one thing, Kai was involved and if Yeonjun needed to prevent Soobin from seeing the younger then he would swear on everything he loved that he was going to do it.

* * *

It’s not like that Soobin hated parties, it was more like the fact they didn’t suit him at all. He liked to dance but he wasn’t that good in socializing, the ability to entertain a conversation with someone wasn’t his cup of tea. In other words, he displeasured speaking to strangers who had too much drink, with their hormones wilding and probably with drugs circulating in their blood.  
He thought he could escape from parties for all his university career but Yeonjun forced him to join at least the last one before graduating.  
It was a welcome party for the new freshmen and a goodbye for the seniors, at least for the one who were in time with their graduation. Soobin didn’t know how Yeonjun managed to get the invitation, but he wasn’t surprised about it since the older was like a super star in the campus.  
  
“You’re going to have so much fun Soobinie, don’t be so stressed”  
  
Yeonjun nagged at him while driving, the younger bit his lips as he fumbled with the sleeve of the shirt the older forced him to wear. He didn’t feel comfortable at all, the black fabric was so thin it was almost see-through, Soobin was pretty sure every inch of his chest could be seen underneath it.  
Yeonjun didn’t hear any story about it, his plan for the night was getting Soobin a man no matter what – their relationship was over since almost two years now, but they remained friend, almost best friend it could be said.

  
Soobin felt that it wasn’t a good idea since the minute they stepped inside the house, a lot of people were already dancing crazily, the smell of weed and alcohol was so strong the raven-haired boy almost felt like puking and he was just arrived.  
Luckily, the younger managed to cling to Yeonjun’s side for a good part of the night, following him here and there, greeting and smiling at the people who the older introduced him to. At some point of the night the blue-haired boy had the great idea to introduce him to one of his friends, Byungjae. Soobin couldn’t fight it back, he was too gentle for it, but he couldn’t help to feel uncomfortable since the moment Yeonjun left him alone with that guy.  
He tried so hard to speak, he really did, it wasn’t his fault if his words came out shortly or monosyllabic. At least he tried to smile as much as he could.  
  
“Can I offer you something to drink?”  
“I’d like to.”  
  
Finally the guy, Byungjoo or whatever, said the first intelligent thing of the night. Soobin patiently waited for the guy to come back with a red cup filled with god didn’t know what liquor it was. Not that Soobin cared, maybe the alcohol would make him loosen up a bit.  
He gulped down the drink in three or four shots, the alcohol burning inside his mouth as it slid down his throat. Not being used to the sensation of strong liquor, he couldn’t help to cough a bit, a little coral pink petal falling inside his cup.  
It happened often after that one time, when he coughed one or eve more petal of rose would fall from his lips and spread wherever. Soobin still didn’t understand why but nobody seemed to notice it, he was starting to believe that he was losing his mind.  
  
Byungjong, or again however he was called, kept on offering drink to the younger – Soobin didn’t know if it was because maybe he prayed for the black-haired boy to became more easy going while being drunk or because he aimed to something else.  
Honestly he didn’t care, but after the fifth cup he gulped down, the younger decided that it was time for him to leave before things would turn badly.  
  
“Can you get me another one?”  
  
Soobin asked, his tone an inch more cuter than the normal, Byungjae nodded three times before pushing his way through the crowd. The younger waited for him to be lost in it before moving away, slipping in between the sweaty bodies of the other people.  
He didn’t know where to go, his first thought was to find Yeonjun again, but something made him stop in the middle of the dance floor. Kai was there too; he didn’t think about the possibility of him being there – he forgot the fact that the younger was a freshman too now. Soobin didn’t see him since that time, when he told Yeonjun everything the older prohibited him to meet the brunette or even text him – the older didn’t want him to see Soobin suffer anymore.

  
His heartbeat increased as his eyes couldn’t leave the younger’s figure; in a year he became even more taller, his body more masculine, his hair were now long and curly, that shirt fitted hugged perfectly his torso. Soobin’s gaze travelled from his head to his toes, seeing him again made him so happy and so nostalgic.  
For a second, he thought about saying hi, but he felt everything crush, again, when he noticed the girl that was standing beside Kai. She wasn’t the same as last year, this one had long curled hair, a red dress that was a bit too short for her age, high heels which weren’t enough to match the brunette’s height; Kai’s left hand was resting on her back, he was looking at her in the eyes before they exchanged some whispering.  
Their lips coming together three seconds later. Soobin wished he didn’t have eyes to see that scene.  
  
Once again everything around him stopped existing, but he wasn’t in the middle of an empty street like the las time. This time he was standing in the middle of a dance floor, and he didn’t think about the fact that someone could crash onto him – thing that happened after five seconds he was staring at Kai kissing that random girl.  
  
“I’m sorry, I didn’t see you”  
  
A quite deep voice came from behind, Soobin didn’t even realize that someone had hit him in that moment. He turned around quietly to meet the guy who was standing there – he was tall and slender, with his hands on his pocket, a striped shirt too much unbuttoned hanging on his slim body.  
Soobin’s eyes travelled down to meet two narrowed eyes, staring deeply at him, every feature of his face was sharp, the earrings that decorated both his ears were shining under the light of the party – Soobin didn’t know why, but he felt attracted to them.  
  
“It’s okay, it’s my fault since I was distracted”  
“What were you looking at so insistently?”  
“ I-I..”  
  
Soobin felt his cheeks burn, he moved his eyes way to avoid eye contact. He didn’t know someone noticed it, he never felt so ashamed in his whole life.  
  
“I don’t know if you want to know it or not but your friend is going upstairs with that girl”  
  
The deep voice of the stranger made Soobin widening his eyes, the black-haired boy turned around just in time to catch the sight of Huening Kai holding that girl’s hand and help her walk the stairs, their lips evidently curled in giggles. Soobin felt his head spin again, the breathing becoming short. No. He wasn’t going to let Kai win again over him.

Without thinking about it too much, with the decision of letting the alcohol speaks, the younger turned around to look at the stranger’s eyes. Their gaze met, sending shivers down Soobin’s back as he grabbed the guy from his shirt and brought him next to his body, their lips meeting in a crash. Soobin felt a mix of sensations all together, his head started to spin again, his body felt too hot while pressing against the stranger – as soon as the guy slipped his tongue inside his mouth, Soobin blacked out.  
  
When he opened his eyes again, Soobin had his head resting over the window of a car, being comfortably sat over a seat, with a jacket laying over his body. He looked around confused, meeting the stare of the previous guy, sitting over the driver seat, looking at him quietly concerned.  
  
“How are you feeling?”  
“Better, I think... What happened?”  
“I think you drank too much, you passed out in my arms.”  
  
Soobin bit his lips, his cheeks turning red once again, making the stranger laugh softly.  
  
“What’s your name?”  
“Soobin..  
“I’m Beomgyu, even if it’s a bit late for the introduction”  
  
Soobin let out a small laugh, he couldn’t believe he really made out with a stranger at the first, only and last party of his life. Beomgyu didn’t seem to complain thought, maybe Soobin was a good kisser after all.  
  
“I think it’s better for you to not returning inside”  
“Yes..”  
“I can drive you home if you want”  
“No, no.. I can’t return home...”  
  
Soobin quickly shook his head at the proposal, he couldn’t return at the apartment he shared with Yeonjun. The older would ask him why he left earlier and if he knew he saw Kai he would nag for hours. Beomgyu stared at him, his lips pressed in a thin line as he thought.  
  
“Do you have somewhere else to go?”  
  
The black-haired boy shook his head, his gaze falling into his hands folded in his lap. He felt hopeless.  
  
“Then I take you home with me, are you okay?”  
“Yes please...”

* * *

  
Beomgyu, as Soobin came to learn, lived not that distant from the university campus. The guy was a year younger than him, he will graduate next year and in the meantime he started working not that long ago as photographer for a magazine, a little occupation to bring some extra money home he said, his real dream is to become a freelancer photographer.  
Soobin was fascinated, it was easy to talk with Beomgyu – twenty-five minutes of car trip were spend talking about book, novels and tales. The flat where the younger lived was on the third floor of an old building, Soobin liked the idea it has sliding doors, it reminded him to his grandparents’ house.  
  
“You can sleep in my bed, and sorry for the mess I didn’t plan to have... guests”  
  
The dirty blonde haired boy smiled apologetically, kicking away some of his clothes scattered in his room’s floor.  
  
“It’s okay, I’m the one who’s bothering you after all”  
  
Soobin replied politely, he was already feeling bad for the disturb he was causing to the younger. Beomgyu took out from his wardrobe a couple of blankets, moving quickly away as the taller boy sat down the edge of the bed. He could hear from the other room the shift of the sheets, Beomgyu was probably making a bed out of his couch. The boy sighed, his gaze falling over his hands, the imagines of Kai with that girl came into his mind as soon as he closed his eyes.  
  
Only the memory of it made him feel suffocated, he coughed in search of air and petals spilled all over the younger’s covers – one time, two times, three times. Petals were falling everywhere, on the bed, on his feet, on his legs. They were so much, and they kept on coming out as Soobin couldn’t stop couching.  
  
“Hey Soobin if you’re cold I can br--”  
  
Beomgyu came inside the room in the right time, his eyes meeting Soobin’s suffering one as his cough didn’t stop. The smaller boy ran to the kitchen, returning to the older a minute later holding a glass of water.  
  
“Here, drink this”  
  
Beomgyu offered, Soobin tried to smile in between the coughs, the last couple of petals falling down from his lips as he stretched his trembling hands; his strength was weak, the tremble was too much, his grip on the glass slipped and water was spill all over the younger’s shirt.

“I-I’m sorry I’m... such a mess...”  
  
Soobin cried, Beomgyu shook his head as he watched the fabric of his shirt sticking to his skin, becoming see through.  
  
“Ah, it doesn’t matter. I had to change anyway”  
  
The younger giggled, his hands coming up to start unbuttoning his shirt, well at least the one who were still buttoned. Soobin looked at him quietly, his mind completely dizzies from the alcohol he consumed before and for the lack of air he just experimented.  
  
He couldn’t think clear, he just wanted to stop the pain. His hands slowly lifted from his lap, he placed them over the smaller’s one. Beomgyu stared at him in the eyes as Soobin’s fingers replaced his own, starting to unbuttoning him, one button by one.  
  
“Let me help you”  
  
Soobin said softly, the shirt being slightly opened to show the younger’s chest underneath it. He didn’t think about it twice, his hands moving on their own to slide the cloth away, his warm fingers caressing the other’s cold skin. Beomgyu sucked in a breath, his gaze still fixed in Soobin’s eyes – he didn’t know why they were so sad, why the boy was suffering that much, he looked way too fragile, too good for this mean world.

The younger’s hands lifted, catching Soobin’s face in between them, his thumb caressing the younger’s cheek. Soobin fluttered his eyes shut as the gap between them was closed, lips pressing over each other, slower, hungrily. Soobin let himself go, falling onto the bed taking the younger down with him.

  
Soobin woke up the next morning with a raging headache, untangled in the sheets of someone else’s bed, 35 lost call from Yeonjun, Beomgyu being gone, a message left on the bed side table on his left with a glass of water and some painkillers. He wasn’t that sure he made the right choice the previous night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> things are getting complicated aren't they? but don't worry everything will come together at the end (hopefully)
> 
> for this week we're done, as always kudos and comments are more than welcomed ;;___;; feel free to express your opinions, i'll try to reply as fast as i can ♡ also!! i forgot to mention in the last chapter but if you wanna follow me on twt i made a new moa twt account: @irishyuka ♡


	3. the words in my throat, i could never get them out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello cuties ( ˶ˆ꒳ˆ˵ )  
> i'm back with the new update, yay!  
> today we're finally introducing a tiny bit of the second couple of the story, it surely will give a whole twist to the plot right?  
> i can't wait to explain to you more about the little secrets inside this story, but for now i'll just tell you to be careful with details uwu my writing style is a bit mysterious so some things would look confusing or left behind but trust me it's just how my style is! i love to my reader to work with their imagination leaving only few things said.  
> aah i took too much space ;;____;; you're here to read the story, not my blabbering!! so please, go ahead and enjoy today's tiny update ♡

Winter was just around the corner, everywhere in the streets colourful lights decorated the windows of many shops and house. The cold of the last week of November made everything more romantic; the snow being sprawled over the roofs of the buildings, a soft layer of it covering the streets. Soobin took a deep breath, his face half covered by a big scarf his mother bought him for his birthday a couple of years ago, one of his hand was safely tucked inside Beomgyu’s coat, holding tightly the one of the latter as they walked quietly between the crowd.  
  
“So where’s this restaurant? We’ve been walking for a while now”  
  
The younger whined cutely, making Soobin sighing loudly – a puff of vapour escaping from his lips.  
  
“Beomgyu, I told you we’re close. Why are you always that impatient?”  
  
The black-haired male didn’t forget to stress the latter’s name, Beomgyu couldn’t help but laugh, his tongue sticking out to mock him. Soobin liked spending his time with the younger, he really did – it wasn’t like they were dating or something, just hanging out together a lot especially when Soobin’s stress for the graduation was eating him alive, Beomgyu was there to remind him to breath.  
  
He was a good friend, Soobin was really grateful – it wasn’t easy, trying to not get involved by feelings but Beomgyu didn’t seem to mind, he said he was cool with it when Soobin said that he was already in love with someone else. Well, it wasn’t neither hard for the younger to guess it.

  
Thirty minute of walk and ten minutes of queueing after, the couple was now sitting inside one of the most fanciest Japanese restaurant of the street – Beomgyu felt flattered, Soobin said that it was his Christmas present since the younger was going to meet his family for the holiday and they wouldn’t be able to meet until the new year. Beomgyu felt a little ashamed but, since it was his present, he decided to order a lot of expensive sushi.  
  
“Ah, right, you know Choi Yeonjun?”  
  
Beomgyu asked at some point in the middle of the dinner – the now pink haired boy nodded his head, his cheeks being completely full of raw fish.  
  
“He’s my best friend, why?”  
  
The older managed to say after gulping down a lot of water. Beomgyu shrugged his shoulder, dipping a piece of sushi inside the soy sauce.  
  
“I heard he’s becoming famous in the fashion industry for his good looking appearance, he seems to be the most requested rookie model nowadays, so my boss wants to make a photoshoot of him for our magazine”  
  
Soobin nodded at the explanation, he wasn’t surprised after all – since his first photoshoot Yeonjun gained a lot of attention from important brands, he received a lot of love calls from what the older told him when they had time to meet at home.  
  
“And you’re telling me that because…?”  
“Because I’d really like to have the exclusive on this”  
  
Soobin curled his lips in a pout, his hand lifting quickly from the table to hit the younger man over his shoulder, making him hiss in pain.  
  
“Come on, I just need a little favour!”  
“Fine! I’ll tell Yeonjun to find some free time for you”  
  
Beomgyu almost jumped on his seat from the happiness, his high-pitched scream echoing through the walls of the little private room he reserved in the local.  
  
After a couple of minutes, the younger excused himself and stood up to go to the toilets – Soobin was left alone, bored he started to play with his chopsticks when suddenly his phone buzzed inside his pockets. When he saw the message, he couldn’t help but choke on a couple of pink petals.  
  
< _Hey princess, it’s been so long since the last time we talked. Are you okay? I haven’t seen you around lately, you’re not sick right? I miss you so much, don’t you miss me too? >3< _>  
  
Soobin bit his bottom lip so hard to prevent himself from crying, of course he missed him. He missed him so much he felt suffocate, and the fault wasn’t of the petals. His eyes couldn’t leave the screen, reading again and again his words, filling his mind with it. He didn’t know what to do – should he reply? Should he keep ignoring him as Yeonjun wants him too? When Beomgyu returned in the room, the panic in the elder’s eyes was so evident he couldn’t act like he didn’t notice.  
  
“Who’s that?”  
“Nobody..”  
  
Beomgyu sighed, he expected such a reply from the older – his hands were still clenching onto the phone, the boy quietly took a sip of water, his eyes never leaving Soobin’s figure.  
  
“It’s Kai, isn’t it?”  
  
Soobin lowered his head, he felt tears prickling at the corner of his eyes. He never heard Beomgyu’s opinion in the matter, was he going to nag at him like Yeonjun would have do?  
  
“Reply to him”  
  
Beomgyu simply stated, short, concise. Soobin looked at him in disbelief, his lips curling in a sad smile as his fingers quickly typed the reply text. Beomgyu didn’t understand how keeping him away from the cause of his pain was giving him more pain than the boy himself.  
Looking at how happy Soobin looked while replying to a simple text, Beomgyu decided that it was better for them to stop pretending what they were doing made either of them happy.

* * *

Yeonjun had always been a fool since he was a toddler. His mother always told him that he was too gentle, too good, too permissive and sooner or later It would have consequences over him.  
He been known, but he was born like that and he was forced to face the risks of being him. Even though Yeonjun wore his heart on his sleeve, he gladly embraced every emotion and feeling people gave him.  
  
His life had always been quietly calm, every wound was healed by a forced smile – his heart wore too many patches, but he became good at pretending.  
When Soobin first introduced Huening Kai to him, Yeonjun pretended that the fact his boyfriend was visibly in love with someone else didn’t hurt him; when Soobin broke out with him after their first college year, he pretended it didn’t hurt him; when Beomgyu walked into his life, Yeonjun pretended he didn’t fall for him from the same exact second he laid his eyes over the young man.  
  
Beomgyu was everything Yeonjun wasn’t. Determinate, passionate, bold, secure of himself, straightforward. What Yeonjun couldn’t forget about their first meeting was the seriousness in the other’s eyes, the way he tapped his foot over the ground while he was waiting for him to end his interview to start the photoshoot.  
That wasn’t Yeonjun’s first photoshoot, but no other photographer had the same vibe as Beomgyu – he didn’t understand a single thing about the fashion industry, but his directing was all accurate, it seemed like he was genuinely interested in making Yeonjun look good, not only as a model for his photos but as a person as well.  
  
The blue haired man couldn’t move his eyes away from him, his gaze wandered from the sharp features of Beomgyu’s face to the precise movement of his camera, pressing over the button, impressing Yeonjun’s own colours into his photos.  
He naturally felt like he would have spent his entire day looking at him, and maybe he was a little bit too caught up in that thought to realize he had stop moving – the realization came to him only when Beomgyu’s attention passed from his camera to the other, eyes meeting in a long silent contact; that was the moment in which Yeonjun realized love at first sight could happen.

  
Beomgyu texted him later that day, thanking him for the time he spent for the shoot, Yeonjun was genuinely curious about how did he get his number and when the latter replied that Soobin gave it to him, Yeonjun pretended he didn’t find strange that his best friend (and previously boyfriend) knew someone else beside him.

* * *

  
  
When the three of them started to hang out altogether, Yeonjun pretended to not see the evident tension between the two other boys. He pretended to not see hands sneaking under the table or silent eye contact made during dinners, he pretended to not care about the fact Beomgyu always volunteered to drive Soobin home.  
  
He pretended to not know that they had some affair going on. Yeonjun simply stayed silent, and pretended everything was alright – maybe he could be wrong, it was indeed nice that Soobin got someone who took care of him when Yeonjun was busy with work, since he hated a lot that the younger had to stay alone. And since Yeonjun was so good and so gentle, he pretended his mind was the one playing tricks on him.

  
But at some point Yeonjun couldn’t pretend anymore, his façade broke in thousand pieces during a cold night of December, one of their usual Sunday movie marathon; Yeonjun pretended really hard to not have caught them kissing while he was gone to the kitchen to prepare some snacks, coming back a second too early to ask if they wanted chips or pop corns.  
The imagine of them cuddled together while kissing burned a hole into his mind; his smile fell off his face and broke in millions tiny glass pieces as soon as he rushed back to the kitchen. Yeonjun felt his heart rushing inside his chest, he felt dizzy and the bowl slipped from his hands shattering to the ground.

Suddenly air started to miss, his lungs felt filled by something – his fingers grasped the fabric of his shirt so tight as he tried to rip it in order to breathe; tears formed at the corner of his eyes as a waterfall of brilliant red carnation petals slipped out of his mouth and fell to the ground, mixing with the popcorn scattered from the broken bowl. Soobin came to help him as soon as he heard the sudden crash, they exchanged a glare – now Yeonjun get how Soobin was feeling every time Kai broke his heart.  
  
As the younger looked at him concerned, Yeonjun pretended everything was fine as always.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, thank you for reading until there! and also thank you for all your kudos and comments, i always said this but they really mean a lot to me, just even reading that you're anticipating the next update ;;___;; i'll be forever grateful, really ♡  
> again, if you want to be mutuals on twt i'm @irishyuka ! ♡


	4. i see you now in every wind and word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello again lovelies (´͈ ᵕ `͈ ）  
> another thursday, another update! today i won't lose myself in introduction, just beware because this chapter is a bit angsty heh so let's not waste any time, go on and read ♡

The day of Soobin’s graduation was one of the best and one of the worst of his whole life. From being tortured by his professors, to suffer his mother’s hug and kisses mixed with a lot of photos with half of his family, the first part of the day was a nightmare. He managed to escape from his mother’s hands right after lunch, Yeonjun and Beomgyu were waiting him in front of his apartment.  
  
“I’m sorry if it took so long but my mom wouldn’t let me go”  
  
Soobin panted as he stopped himself in front of them, Yeonjun shook his head and smiled, his arms already opened to hug the younger tightly, placing a kiss on one of his cheek.  
  
“I’m so proud of you”  
  
He whispered, Soobin couldn’t help but smile shyly. It’s not like he did something great, there were at least other twenty people graduating with him that day. Beomgyu moved from the wall he was leaning into and went to hug the pink haired boy too, giving him a little pat on his back.

Soobin really felt like the luckiest person in the world in that moment, everything was perfect – he spent time with his family, now he was going to have fun with his two best friend, nothing was missing expect one thing but it wasn’t like he was expecting something. Or at least, that’s what he thought before he heard a familiar voice coming from behind him.  
  
“Hey, princess”  
  
Soobin turned in slow motion, Kai was standing there, a little smirk over his lips and his hands stretched, holding a flower bouquet. If that was a dream, he hoped to not be woke up.

  
That was kind of strange, thinking about it, Soobin realized when they were all sat inside the first bbq restaurant they found. He had as his first boyfriend sitting on his left, his first one-night stand at the other side of the table and his one-side love sat right in front of him. Wonderful, he thought, all the men of his life being reunited to celebrate his graduation and his past birthday, because of course, none of them forget the fact that he had finally hit the 20.  
  
A lot of meat was cooking over the grill, Beomgyu being in charge of it for the night, Yeonjun nagged at him constantly making the black haired male pissed, Soobin couldn’t help but laugh at them – more like to distract himself from the fact that Huening Kai didn’t stop staring at him since the moment he arrived.  
  
“I propose a cheer”  
  
Yeonjun announced at the middle of the dinner, lifting a bottle of soju that Soobin didn’t ever notice before. Shots were filled until their limit, Kai whined to have one too – the pink haired boy frowned, taking the glass away as Yeonjun pour it down the clear liquor.  
  
“No alcohol for you!”  
“Don’t be a party pooper, princess”  
“Let him drink, I’m sure he doesn’t stand even a shot”  
  
Kai narrowed his eyes to look bad at Yeonjun, the taller boy grinned as the brunette snatched away the glass from Soobin’s hands and drunk it in one go. Soobin looked at him worryingly, Beomgyu just shook his head.  
It wasn’t clear how the cheer became a fight between Yeonjun and Kai to see who will drink more shot, at least two bottle were emptied in ten minutes and now they were going down the third. Yeonjun, from the outside, looked like he was doing well – a lazy smile curling his lips as he gulped down another shot. In the other hand, Kai looked quite drunk – his cheeks completely red, a little hiccup escaping from his lips every time he took other shots.

Soobin called the game end when both males were almost collapsing on the table, Beomgyu payed the bill before deciding to split up; the older took the responsibility of Yeonjun, while Soobin decided to bring Kai’s home.

* * *

The brunette stayed quite during all the trip in taxi, quietly sleeping with his head resting over Soobin’s shoulder. Taking him inside his room in the dormitory was easy, the older gave him a piggyback ride until they reached his floor.  
He looked for the keys inside the younger’s pocket and then, a couple of steps later, he managed to lay the tall boy over his bed. Soobin looked at him for a while, his heart skipped a beat when Kai opened his eyes and stared back; quietly he lifted up in sitting position, Soobin wanted to leave but as soon as he took a step back, Kai grabbed his wrist, stopping him in the middle of the room.  
  
“You’re like a mirage, you know? You have this habit to compare into my life for a short while and then disappear, it’s always like that... every time I try to catch you, you’re already gone. Some time passes, and then you’re in front of me again. Every time I look at you I’m afraid it’s the last time I can see you”  
  
Kai whispered, his hold was soft but strong at the same time – the room was dark but Soobin could feel that he stood up from the warm his body radiated, so close from his but yet so far. The older took a deep breath, biting his lips. He didn’t know what to say.  
  
“Don’t go, tonight”  
  
Kai’s voice echoed through the wall of his head like a mantra, since when it became so deep? Soobin didn’t know, but he couldn’t stop himself from turning around, now facing the younger.  
He could feel his eyes staring at him in the dark, his gaze so magnetic that Soobin felt pulled in. Kai’s arms wrapped over him carefully but also daring, his face hiding in the crook of his neck – Soobin hugged him back, realizing it has been three years since the last time they touched each other.

Kai wasn’t anymore the eight years old boy he remembers in his memory; his now grown body was holding him in place so tightly. Soobin felt himself tremble, there was no doubt that Kai felt it too. He lifted his face to look at him, their eyes meeting again locking one in another.  
  
“Don’t go”  
  
Kai murmured again, his hands moving away from the elder’s hips – one took place over Soobin’s neck, while the other rested over his shoulder. It was a matter of minute. Soobin closed his eyes, Kai pressed his lips over the elder’s one in a soft contact.  
  
The kiss progressed fast, way too fast, lips moving against each other desperately, Soobin didn’t even remember when he started to kiss the younger back, his body moving on his own as his hands grabbed the brunette’s hoodie, keeping him close.  
  
Kai pushed the older against the nearest wall, every inch of them were pressed together – lips, tongues, hands, hips, bodies. Soobin felt so hot he thought he was about to explode in within a minute, especially if Kai didn’t stop slipping his tongue inside his mouth teasingly, sucking and biting at his bottom lip.  
  
Everything looked like a dream, for the first time in years Soobin felt like he was able to breathe again. Only in that moment the reality hit him so hard he felt his heart being crushed. Slowly, he pushed the younger away from him with the intent of break the kiss, his eyes shifting away to avoid the eye contact.  
  
“We can’t do this..”  
  
Soobin murmured, Kai panted heavily looking at him with a confused expression.  
  
“Why?”  
  
“Because…”  
  
 _because you don’t like boys, you don’t like me._ Soobin wanted to reply, he clenched his hands in a fists, he tried so hard to fight the tears back as he lifted his face to look at the younger.  
  
“Because I’m sure you have a girlfriend, and you’re drunk too”  
  
Kai took a step behind, the alcohol started to making him feel dizzy.  
  
“But I want you”  
  
Soobin never thought that words he wanted to heart that bad could hurt him so much. He couldn’t help but let a couple of tears fall down his cheeks, he quickly cleaned them with the back of his hand, taking a deep breath to calm himself.  
  
“See? You’re drunk. You’re saying so many stupid things, you better sleep instead of running your mouth”  
“But...”  
“No but, sleep. I’m going now so you can rest”  
“Are you going to text me tomorrow?”  
  
Soobin hesitated a bit; was he really going to be able to face the younger again the next day after everything that happened? When he probably wouldn’t remind a thing? He didn’t know. The older curled his lips in a thin smile, nodding his head a couple of times.  
  
“Promise me”  
“I’ll promise you, now sleep”  
  
Soobin waited for the younger to slip inside his bed before leaving the room, closing the door behind his back. As soon as he was left alone, tears couldn’t help but fall.  
  
He ran away from Kai’s dorm as fast as he could, his breath became irregularly as he couldn’t stop crying in the meantime. His improvised run was stopped when Soobin crashed into someone, making him fall into the ground.  
  
“I-I’m sorry…”  
  
Soobin blabbered, sniffling his nose as he stretched a hand to help the stranger to get up. The boy took it willingly, standing up and cleaning himself from the snow.  
  
“Don’t worry I wasn’t looking where I was going.”  
  
The stranger confessed, brown hair and serious expression – he looked way younger than Soobin, and their height didn’t match, the boy was so small. Quietly Soobin bowed a little to excuse himself before going away, his lips curled in a little smile. The meeting lasted less than one minute but it was enough for Taehyun to wonder who that boy was and why he just run away in tears from the room he shared with Huening Kai.  
  


* * *

As Taehyun unlocked the door, the first thing that welcomed him in the house was silence. He was still quite confused about the boy he just met and why the hell he was running away from their flat. There were religious rules in the shared apartment: no girls, no boys, no party.  
  
Just peace and silence, because Taehyun spent the 90% of his time studying and he didn’t want to be bothered – _boring_ , as Huening Kai liked to call him. So, it was actually a surprise for the smaller boy seeing someone going out from their door, Kai liked to date a lot around (spoken of that, Taehyun would like much if he stopped) but he never took anybody home, since he cherished his friendship with the brunette – not only because Taehyun treated to kick him on his shins if he get caught sneaking someone inside their flat.  
  
“Kai?”  
  
No replies, which was quite suspicious since Taehyun was used to hear Kai’s stupid loud voice greet him every time he came back from the library. With tiny steps, the brown-haired boy reached their shared bedroom. Kai was there, sitting on the edge of his bed with his head between his head.  
  
“Kai? Are you okay?”  
  
As the younger shook his head, Taehyun sat beside him – he didn’t say nothing at first, how he was supposed to help if Kai didn’t say what was wrong? So, he waited for the other to speak, slowly caressing his back.  
  
“How do I know if I like boys?”  
  
The sudden question caught Taehyun off guard, they never talked about matters such like sexuality and he assumed that the boy was straight as a ruler since he almost dated every girl around the campus. But the tremble of his voice, the sincerity and the doubt in it made Taehyun understand that Kai was being dead serious.  
  
“There’s not a way you just…know it”  
  
Silence, again. Neither of them spoked, but Kai moved his head away from his palms to look at Taehyun. Just a second passed before the taller grabbed Taehyun from the shoulder, pushing him down to lay on his bed, hovering him. Kai moved silently, carefully, like a predator – it was like he was aiming to his lips. Taehyun stayed still, his hands sweating.  
  
“Do I make your heart flutter?”  
  
Stupid Huening Kai and his attractive ass. Taehyun was quite sure the latter knew how much good looking he was, not only that he also had a great personality, good manners. He was nice and funny, of course everyone and their moms would fall for him.  
  
“You’re an idiot”  
  
Taehyun rolled his eyes in annoyance, tried to not make any eye contact with the taller. Sometimes he hates himself for being like the others, being one of those idiots who fell for Huening Kai. Kai couldn’t help but smirk, that stupid smirk that Taehyun often wanted to rip of his stupid handsome face.  
  
Soon enough the smaller vision was clouded by the other’s fluff curls, their lips meeting in a soft peck (little did Taehyun know, that was about to become one of their worst habit ever, sweetly kissing each other on the lips on daily basis, as if it was normal to do so) before Kai rolled over the other side of the bed, lying beside Taehyun.  
  
“I think I’m in love with someone Tyunie, this time for real”  
“And?”  
“I don’t know, I’m afraid to fuck it up”  
  
Taehyun sighed quietly as he curled against his side, Kai’s arms stretched in one second to bring him closer while the other hand came to grab the covers of the bed to keep them warm. The smaller closed his eyes, inside his chest something started to burn, feeling the tears forming behind the eyelids.  
  
“If you’re in love go for it, no? You can’t fuck it up, even if we’re talking about you”  
  
Kai just hummed, probably already dozing off – Taehyun knows him enough to understand he was a bit tipsy, not to mention his breathe smelled like alcohol. Not receiving any reply, Taehyun sighed again before the burn sensation became too much, and with a soft cough, small little baby’s breathe petals landed over Kai’s chest.

Taehyun hated being like the others but first of all hated being in love with Huening Kai.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always thank you so much for every kudos and every hit ;;_____;; we're halfway throught this story and im really happy that a lot of you are appreaciating it! (つω･*) don't forget to leave some comments too! i'd love to read your opinions!!  
> for today it's all, see you next week ♡


	5. i could have been more, but i was so afraid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hewwo my cuties ( ੭•͈ω•͈)੭  
> another weekly update!! as we're close to the end of the story i'm starting to feel a bit sad, i put so much work on this and looking at all the hits and kudos makes me feel really proud of myself. if you're still hanging there since chap 1 or you're discovering this with this new chapter, i'm really thankful for your time! ♡  
> today's explanation will be put in the note at the end so don't forget to check it out!! 
> 
> aand for now it's all, have a good read uwu

The second time Yeonjun let his mask down was during an event six months later, he blamed it on the too many glasses of champagne he drunk. That night his nerves were tested severely times, starting from the way Beomgyu looked – sinfully good with his hair freshly dyed of black, the elegant but simple white shirt being too much unbuttoned and revealing for the elder’s like.

Yeonjun tried hard to stay away from him, he really did. It should have been easy, them being invited to one of the most glamour party of the fashion industry, it was filled with familiar faces and colleagues to interact with. But even if he moved to the opposite part of the room, his eyes still lingered over the latter’s figure and Yeonjun would have bet that Beomgyu knew, he knew the blue haired man was looking at him for the whole time.   
  
It could be understood by the way Beomgyu smirked at him every damn time Yeonjun clenched his fists when the younger interacted with some other guests, shameless flirting with girls offering them rivers of expensive red wine, right in front of his face.   
Yeonjun knew it was all a game, he knew Beomgyu liked to play hard to get with him – like the cat and the mouse, they’ve been running in circle since a while, once again Yeonjun was indeed good at pretending Beomgyu didn’t find funny to mess with him. That’s why he firmly decided he wasn’t going to fall for him anymore, he could’ve escaped from his grip in any moment. No more suffer, no more petals.   
  
Yeonjun was really serious when he promised himself so, but the tons of champagne he gulped down to not think about the said man, made him more fragile and helpless than always.  
His mind suddenly spin when his eyes caught a woman whispering something to Beomgyu’s ear, his hand slipping a little piece of paper into the man’s own hands. Here we go again, Yeonjun thought as he felt his legs tremble, luckily enough he managed to sit right before they gave out, grasping for air with big breaths.   
  
Beomgyu must have seen him, that what the boy thought when he saw the cause of his uneasiness coming to him – seeing the concern in the latter’s eyes while he tried to stand up made Yeonjun wanting to punch him in the face.

  
For the first time in years Yeonjun decided to not pretend anymore, his evident pissed expression displayed almost proudly over his face while Beomgyu was driving him home.  
  
“Are you mad?”  
  
The black haired male sudden ask, shifting his gaze from the street to the older repeatedly. Yeonjun sighed, his hands grabbing the fabric of his pants tightly.   
  
“Why should I be mad?”  
“I don’t know, you should tell me”  
“I’m not mad”  
“If you say so”  
  
Yeonjun wished that the argument was ending there, with him turning his face to the other side to look out of the window but the older didn’t seem to let it go, not even when they were already inside the blue haired boy’s house.  
  
“You know you can tell me if there’s something wrong”  
  
Beomgyu murmured, leaning against the door of the other’s room with hands in his pocket, looking at Yeonjun while he was unbuttoning the sleeve of his shirt.   
  
“There’s nothing wrong”  
  
Yeonjun urged, honestly, he just wanted to sleep and move on to another day of pretending. His head was too dizzy from the alcohol and from the previous attack of the disease. He just wanted to rest, nothing more.  
  
“I can’t leave you alone if you don’t feel well”  
“I’m fine, you don’t have to stay”  
“You’re not fine”  
  
Yeonjun noticed Beomgyu moved only when he grabbed him from his shoulder and made the slightly taller boy turn around to face him, his eyes staring deeply at the his own almost made him shiver. Yeonjun breathed quietly; Beomgyu was right, he wasn’t fine. They stared at each other for a while, their breathing and their beating hearts were the sound track for that moment.  
  
“Fuck it”  
  
Yeonjun murmured before moving, his hands taking the latter’s into their own while he stepped forward to pin Beomgyu down to the wall of his room. As the raven-haired man fluttered his eyes shut, their lips crashed in almost violent contact, searching for each other endlessly.   
  
That night Yeonjun didn’t had to pretend he didn’t love Beomgyu in every way possible. As their hands never left their body, as their lips searched desperately each other, Yeonjun understood that maybe, just maybe, if Beomgyu wanted to play with him he could let him.   
  
If Beomgyu wanted to play that way, Yeonjun was down to business. No feelings involved, just occasionally and rushed meetings in secret. Yeonjun thought it was good like that, he didn’t need a relationship – he just needed Beomgyu closer. 

* * *

With the start of the new year, Soobin approached his life with a fresh new start; thanks to his father’s connection it was easy for him to find an empty shop to rent, his dream becoming day by day closer as he transformed the place in a flower shop.   
Everything was just at the start, only a few furniture was placed here and there, but it was enough for the boy to feel satisfied. The job kept him busy long enough to forget about what happened with Kai, not hearing nothing about what happened with the younger that night make it felt like it never really happened.   
  
Soobin didn’t forget about it, he couldn’t – the fact that he was the only one to cough up flowers made him worried and more curious about the strange event. Internet was an amazing gift for the new generations, it only needed a few keywords to open an entire new world; that’s how Soobin discovered the hanahaki disease – there weren’t a lot of information about it, only the general things he experimented in his own life: coughing flowers, chest ache, headache, feeling of being suffocated, etc.

It wasn’t enough for the pink haired boy, no, he needed more. Can it be cured? Can it be stopped? Clearly it could since it was a while since it last happened to him, but why? How was the disease trigger? On the website he found out that the disease was a consequence of a one-sided love, nothing more.   
  
Soobin knew that there were more to know about it, so he decided to study the disease by himself; it took him only a few hour to gather a lot information about this diseases: people can’t see the flowers unless they suffer from the disease itself, it can’t be cured in any way, the only way to stop the pain is either you fell out of love with your one-sided or got it reciprocated, lastly it isn’t a real disease so there’s no real consequences to your body.   
  
That day was a busy day for Soobin, new furniture and plants arrived at the shop and they needed to be put in their place; he was about to move a big vase full of ground when his phone buzzed in the back pocket of his jeans. A smile curled his lips as soon as he read the sender.  
  
< _Princess I’m in Myeongdong to run some errands, do you want to grab a coffee? My treat. >3< _>  
  
It’s been so long since the last time they hang out together, Soobin was busy with his new job and Kai was probably giving his best for the upcoming exams. They still talked to each other often, but Soobin could not admit that he missed the younger’s company. He quickly cleaned his dirty hands and replied to the text, fixing up to meet with the brunette in a couple of hours.

  
Soobin literally ran for his life, he wanted to look good for the younger so he returned home to take a shower and now he was almost late for their ‘date’ – how much he wished it was the right term to call it. He was near the place in which they chose to meet, his eyes wandering in the crowd trying to catch a glimpse of the younger’s face. 

And he did it. He managed to see his tall figure standing in a free spot, his hands in the pocket of his dark pants and a big blue scarf wrapped around his face. Soobin felt his heart beating faster as he approached but, suddenly, a girl appeared from nowhere, walking to Kai only to stop in front of him.

  
Soobin looked at them, he was too far for hearing the conversation; just when he gathered up some courage to move, the girl grabbed Kai from his scarf and made him lean down, pressing her lips over his.   
Everything Soobin didn’t feel from a while, returned to him three times more strongly – his whole body started to shake, his head span so fast he almost thought he was about to pass out, flowers were falling from his lips uncontrollably. The crowd pushed him away, far from the spot where the younger was, Soobin didn’t even tried to fight it back – he just wanted to disappear.   
  
Two hours. Soobin waited two long hours, sat on the floor of his room, his leg pressed over his chest, tears and petals spilling everywhere while his phone leaned in front of him. He waited for Huening Kai to call him, he wished he called him – but as the clock ticked, nothing happened. No call, no text. Soobin was tired, tired of everything. Tired of feeling his chest aching in pain, tired of crying, tired of coughing petals.

* * *

If Beomgyu learned something in the past two years about Choi Yeonjun, and that thing was the fact that Yeonjun was the most amazing person you will ever meet but also the worst. He often thought about it in nights just like that, while being wrapped in his favourite expensive silky sheets while looking at the latter dressing himself.   
  
Annoying, that was the perfect term to use to describe Choi Yeonjun, looking all good in his white shirt, buttoning it up while standing in front of the full body mirror present in the room. Beomgyu wished he was only able to see him from the back; little did he know Yeonjun calibrated his pose just to let the younger see his front figure from the reflection of the mirror.   
Every button closed felt like the sting of a thousand spike to Beomgyu – his lips still holding strong the bittersweet taste of Yeonjun’s kisses, his skin flavoured in the other’s cologne. Their relationship was like that: love and hate.   
  
Beomgyu admired Yeonjun so much his own feelings bloomed in something more; more, what he wanted from Yeonjun. But he knew, everybody knew, Yeonjun didn’t want to be committed. He was a free spirit, nothing can’t tie him down – Beomgyu knew it from the start, the ironically way he met the ex-boyfriend of his now best friend.  
  
Beomgyu knew it but he fell for the elder’s ambition, his determination, his straightforwardness. Yeonjun was everything Beomgyu wanted to be and he was everything Yeonjun wanted to avoid.   
Their eyes met through the reflection of the mirror, Beomgyu bit his bottom lip as Yeonjun smirked – the marks Beomgyu left over the elder’s neck were glowing under the dim light of the smaller’s room, he somehow felt proud, he wished the other’s people would see them.  
  
“Do you really need to go?”  
  
Beomgyu murmured, his eyes moving away to avoid eye contact – he knew he shouldn’t say that because Yeonjun never stays. But he tried for it, he tried for it every damn time.  
  
“I have a meeting with some important brand tomorrow morning, my work isn’t going to do it by itself”  
  
Another thing Beomgyu hated of Yeonjun was that he always had the right word to say in every occasion; also, the low tone of his voice, it indulged to believe at his words. There were times where Beomgyu thought the older brainwashed him – most of the time, he believed it when he drank too much martini and his mind started to work on its own.  
  
The smaller didn’t reply, he just nodded while lowering his eyes just a bit – just to not watch Yeonjun adjusting the collar of his shirt before rolling down the sleeve and buttoning them. Five minutes and the blue haired man was ready to leave, Beomgyu tried hard to not cough but a brilliant red rose petal escaped from his lips, landing over the black sheets.  
  
“Be careful to not catch a cold”  
  
Yeonjun mumbled, his eyes purposely avoiding the petal before putting his jacket on in order to leave the room. Beomgyu just let himself fall over the bed, unable to refrain himself to not cough he let everything out, showering himself with a thousand of vibrant red flower petals.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aand today some curiosity will be satisfied! as for the disease, i decided to play with it a bit since it's fictional. i didn't want it to be too tragic so nobody dies from it. for the flowers, since beomgyu coughed them too finally i can explain their meaning. 
> 
> we have a total of four flowers in the story: soobin's coral pink rose (big desire, enthusiasm), yeonjun's red carnation (admiration, deep love, affection), taehyun's babys breath (everlasting love and purity) and beomgyu's red rose (longing, desire, respect, admiration). it's not that important for the story but uwu i wanted to leave this little tmi, basically every flower they cough describe what they feel for the person they love ♡


	6. dull colors paint the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello cuties! ♡♡  
> we're are quickly reaching the end of this story and i feel proud and sad about it. the next chapter will be the last and i really can't wait to close it. beside this i don't have many other things to say today, please enjoy the chapter! ♡

The White Day, Soobin never actually had the chance to know how much it was powerful until he didn’t start his career. The amount of flowers he got to sell since early in the morning was almost scary; from elders to kids, he tried so hard to satisfy everyone with the right composition of flowers, holding the meaning required by the client.  
As the hours passed by, the situation started to calm down, leaving Soobin the chance to order his counter, cleaning away the dust and the ground from it. He was giving his back to the door when he heard the little bell hanged over it rang, signalling the enter of a client.  
  
“Good evening!”  
  
Soobin greeted brightly, footsteps echoed through the shop as the person moved to the counter, the faded pink haired boy being still busy tidying up, holding a little vase on his hand.  
  
“How can I help you?”  
“I need flowers.”  
  
Soobin almost dropped the vase to the ground when he heard Kai’s voice. He had to turn around to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. And he wasn’t. Kai was standing right in front of him, his arms placed over the wooden counter as he looked around, his expression slightly shy.  
  
They haven’t seen each other since that one night, Soobin was too scared to approach the younger first – at the other hand, Kai got nagged by Taehyun first, then by Yeonjun and even Beomgyu. Everyone pushed him to made it up to Soobin and they were right, Kai missed him so much he couldn’t focus during lessons.  
Soobin stared at him for a whole minute before starting to function again, he carefully placed the vase over the nearest shelf and, once it was safe, he shifted his look towards the younger.  
  
“Are they for Hyejoo?”  
“Who?”  
“Your girlfriend? I heard about you a lot since... you know... then”  
  
Kai blinked his eyes a couple of time, in the span of three months he changed so many girlfriends he had a hard time remember them all, Taehyun told him that too. Soobin was a bit worried, it was like Kai’s heart wasn’t at ease.  
  
“Ah... no I broke up with her last week”  
“Then are you getting a new one?”  
  
The brunette arched an eyebrow, a little smirk forming over his lips as he shrugged his shoulder.  
  
“Maybe. So, this flowers?”  
“The flowers, yes… what flowers do you want?”  
“I think that one rose is enough, take the most beautiful one”  
  
Soobin nodded quietly, moving to the back of the shop so he could look for the perfect rose. From the other side, Kai quietly looked around, making sure that the older wasn’t looking when he took out from his bag a pen and a piece of paper. Soobin returned to him after a couple of minutes, handing to the younger the bigger and most bloomed rose he had found.  
  
“Here it is, do you like it?”  
“It’s perfect”  
  
Kai held it in his hands, looking at the soft red petals with a little smile on his lips. Suddenly, he acted like his phone buzzed on his pocket, quickly posing the rose over the counter along with the tiny piece of paper.  
  
“Hello? Ah? Yes, I’m coming… Just wait for me, yes... yes”  
  
Soobin looked with concern at the younger as he slipped his phone inside his pocket once again, his lips curling in a pout as their eyes met.  
  
“I’m sorry hyung I have to go, mom needs me for something”  
  
And then he ran away, leaving the rose behind. Soobin tried to stop him, calling his name but it was too late. Maybe he could give him the rose later – when he moved the flower, he noticed the little piece of paper laying over the counter, maybe Kai dropped it. Soobin couldn’t contain the curiosity and opened it, without knowing he made the right decision.  
  
‘ _Princess,  
I’m sorry if I’m an asshole and I left you alone waiting. The rose is for you, even if there’s no flower in the world who can beat you. You’re the most beautiful thing my eyes have ever seen.  
Please forgive me,  
  
Huening Kai_ ‘

* * *

Taehyun was a solid person, refusals often came out from his mouth way too much and as coldly as possible – he didn’t know how to be compliant to others. If it was another person, the younger would have said no, firm and concise, because nothing would have drag him out of his warm cosy bed in the middle of the night during winter.  
Well, nothing except Huening Kai. He didn’t feel neither a bit of regret, waiting outside their shared room’s door - his hand knocking over it, a matter of a couple of minutes before the taller appeared in front of him, the sad smile shined like the midsummer sun, Taehyun felt himself melting in the spot, merging with the rain that was falling outside.  
  
Their shared house had the fragrance of different kind of flowers – big and little pot being placed here and there, it felt lively, they owned the most beautiful flower of any kind: lilies, carnations, rose, cactus and even a little vase of baby’s breath. Even thought they were a lot the plants looked a bit worn out – the boys weren’t exactly good at gardening. Taehyun couldn’t help but feel guilty, his heart ached in his chest as the taller offered him a cup of tea, fresh brewed from their tea pot, the sweet perfume of honey of it calmed the younger down. Honestly, he didn’t even like honey; it became a habit drinking it, even just to look at Huening Kai a minute more during the day.  
  
Neither of them spoke at first, both sat in front of each other, mugs being clenched between cold hands, the room was incredibly warm but Taehyun noticed how the older was shaking – more in fear then because of the cold.  
  
“Did you see Soobin?”  
  
Taehyun started first, his low voice whispering the words as if he was almost afraid to be listened, Kai nodded his head before taking a sip, a minute before one of his hands came to the pocket of his hoodie, placing a little petal in front of them.  
  
“I bought him a flower and asked him to forgive me, but he still didn’t text me”  
“Do you really want to do it right?”  
  
Silence. Kai lowered his eyes, looking at his own reflection in the surface of the sweet liquid, a sigh escaping gracefully from his lips.  
  


“Yes…”  
  
Kai murmured, Taehyun knew he was lying. He wasn’t ready at all, he didn’t know how much painful it was, deciding to go for that road. The younger sighed silently, one of his hand coming to clench his shirt, right in the exact spot where his lungs were.  
Taehyun was really tired of being the good boy of the situation, jealously and anger made his hands itching so badly, he couldn’t help it – without Soobin, his life would be less miserable. Huening Kai could be better too, with him. With his love.  
  
“Are you sure? It doesn’t seem to work between you two thought, I think you should just forget about Soobin and he will forget about you.”  
“I know, that’s why I’m doing it… only because of this.. I just want to make it work”  
  
As a single tear streamed down Kai’s cheek, Taehyun stretched his hand to hold the taller’s one, intertwining their fingers together. He should feel bad because he made the dark-haired boy cry, but he didn’t feel like it – the key to resolve everything was moving on. He needed Soobin to forget about Kai, as someone once said it was okay for you to be selfish in love.  
Slowly, Taehyun leaned into the table, making himself closer to the younger. He smiled at him, showing his gums. They looked into each other’s eyes until Taehyun didn’t move a little more forward, placing a chaste kiss over Huening Kai’s lips.  
  
“I think it’s time to go now, lessons are going to start soon”  
  
He murmured right after while coming back to his original position, already standing up from the seat. Kai only nodded, his eyes low to hide the embarrass of the moment – only in that way he noticed the little blue flower laying over the table, it did belong at one of their plants, Kai was pretty sure he had already see it before. As he lifted his eyes, meeting Taehyun’s gaze, something clicked in his mind. Taehyun’s favourite flowers were Baby’s Breath. The younger held tightly the flower as he took the raven haired boy to the door, leaning onto the door jab as he shyly greeted him.  
Taehyun was about to leave when Kai suddenly grab his wrists, stopping him to take any further steps.  
  
“Taehyunie.. I was wondering... who was your first love?”  
  
The look in Taehyun’s eyes in that moment was colder than the weather outside, Kai could believe he was freezing just by looking at them. Gently, Taehyun moved his hand away to break the hold, turning completely around so that the older was facing his back.  
  
“You.”  
  
Taehyun murmured the reply so lowly Kai almost thought he heard wrong, but when he realized that what his ears caught was really his actual answer, Taehyun was already gone, vanished in the snow.

* * *

Huening Kai wandered for the crowded street despite the awful cold wind brushing against his cheeks, turning them red. The scarf he was wearing almost felt useless, hanging low behind his nose – he wished he had some place to go to repair, but every corner, every local or place he knew he could almost see Soobin in between the crowd of people. He was missing him so bad.  
  
When Kai entered in the dorm, Taehyun was waiting for him sat in the kitchen – his eyes looking deadly at him, arms folded at his chest, disappoint painted all over his serious expression. Kai gulped down a knot on his throat, he knew why the other male was being so serious. Kai had known since the start that Taehyun had feelings for him, the basic thread of jealously and hate that linked them was about to be broken in the middle. Taehyun was this close to explode in front of Kai’s face.  
  
“Where were you?”  
  
Taehyun’s voice awaked Kai from his thoughts, his bag being left in the corner of the room as the brunette threw his jacket over the sofa – silence, his eyes moved slowly toward the figure of the latter, his plump chopped lips pressed in a thin line.  
  
“How much of an asshole do you think I am?”  
“You didn’t answer my question”  
  
The tension in the room arose, Kai clenched his hands in fists – the situation was already too much tragic without Taehyun nagging at him. The smaller boy sighed, his gaze never leaving the other’s eyes as he grinned.  
  
“You didn’t do it too”  
  
Taehyun took a deep breath before pushing himself away from the table, his foot pressing over the wood to make the chair slide back. Five calculated steps and he was in front of the younger, he tiptoed so that their face mere centimetres apart, their black eyes linking again as the smaller boy grabbed Kai from his hoodie.  
  
“Just take a fucking decision, Huening Kai”  
  
The long haired boy felt a shiver ran down his spine at the sharp tone of the smaller boy, he was never afraid of treatments but Taehyun’s warning felt so dangerous he couldn’t help but shake slightly in fear. Nevertheless, he tried to not show it, his lips curled in a grin as he grabbed Taehyun’s hands and pushed them away, growling in a low tone between his teeth as he walked away.

* * *

For the rest of the past weeks Kai lived at his mom’s house, not being able to handle Taehyun’s judging looks anymore. Honestly, he felt like a fight could explode between them in any minute and he knew that Soobin wouldn’t be happy to know that they beat each other up, even though the last time he talked to the older was about a month ago. He didn’t have the courage to face the pink haired boy, he didn’t know what to say to him.  
  
His mind was a complete mess, so Kai decided that before speaking to Soobin it was better for him to fix the whole mess in his head.  
Living without talking to Soobin was indeed a torture, especially because Kai knew the older was suffering because of him – he heard him once, couple of days before he moved out as he walked in front of his store, he was talking to someone over the phone - soft sobs echoed through the black haired guy, the unmistakable voice of Soobin asking him about Kai between hiccups and tears. He never felt like a monster before that day.  
  
Not being able to handle everything alone anymore, it was during a mild night of the middle of the April when Kai decided to see the last person of the world, he thought he would ask for help.  
Standing in front of Yeonjun’s home, Kai knocked at the black door three times before the boy appeared in front of him – his blue hair still humid, a black shirt unbuttoned slightly exposing his chest and a surprised look painted over his face.  
  
“So you’re alive after all”  
  
Yeonjun commented first as soon as the younger sneaked inside his warm big house. Kai was impressed, but he tried to act nonchalantly as he followed the older inside, looking around here and there.  
  
“There’s nothing that can kill me, hyung”  
  
The brunette confidently whispered, Yeonjun had to fight back a laugh as he opened the glass door to access at his living room. A big white piano was the main attraction of the room, followed by a black leather sofa, an artificial fireplace and a glass counter bar. Kai didn’t know Yeonjun was _that_ rich.  
  
“What brings you there, then?”  
  
The older softly spoke while walking behind the bar, lowering himself to take out from it two glass shots and a bottle of whiskey – his gaze shifted towards Kai, silently asking him if he wanted a sip and the younger just nodded, he needed a couple of drink to melt himself down.  
  
“You perfectly know what brings me there”  
  
Kai replied flat, his fingers turning the empty glass in circles – the heavy taste of alcohol resting over his tongue, making him crave for more; Yeonjun didn’t hesitate to fill the shot again, drinking his own the second after.  
  
“Is the situation really that fucked up?”  
“Totally, hyung, totally”  
“Are you feeling guilty?”  
  
Kai paused at the sudden question, Yeonjun looked at him as if he was see-through. He lowered his head, biting his lips as he let his mind ran, exploring every inch of his memory, letting the feeling sink down on him.  
  
“I do, or at least I think I do. I did a lot of things irresponsibly and maybe I wasn’t ready to face them”  
“Well… asking someone out and not presenting is quite a big responsibility, Kai”  
  
As soon as those words left Yeonjun’s lips, Huening Kai furrowed his eyebrows and threw a bad look to the older. His hand stretching forward to take the liquor and pour himself another shot.  
  
“Well, that wasn’t my intention, to be honest”  
“What do you mean?”  
“I was going to meet Soobin hyung but one of my ex started to bother me, asking for a chance, she was acting crazy in front of everyone and she even kissed me, right there”  
  
The disgusted face painted over Chanhee’s face made Yeonjun laugh, his long arm claiming the bottle back, another shot of brown drink sliding down his throat.  
  
“Care to explain more then?”  
“Well I had to take her somewhere else to end her little show but she wouldn’t let me go, I had no other choice than take her home but when I went back, Soobin hyung wasn’t there anymore”  
“That’s really fucked up… what are you going to do?”  
“I tried to make up to him but he’s avoiding me since last month.. I waited but I just can’t stay sit anymore, I have to do something”  
“Are you sure you can handle it? Soobin is pretty much very hurt right now”  
  
Kai nodded a couple of times; his eyes were incredibly shining that night – Yeonjun never noticed how bright they could be. He never actually looked at Kai from a different perspective.  
His relationship with Huening Kai was strange, Yeonjun had felt so many kinds of feelings toward the younger: jealously, anger, curiosity – in that moment, proudness.  
It never happened before, mostly because his mind was too busy reminding how his younger self was jealous of him, wondering how a kid was able to move Soobin that way. What did he had that Yeonjun didn’t have? Yeonjun was handsome, well mannered, funny. He had everything, but then why? Why was he jealous of a child? Because Yeonjun’s heart was empty, and so Kai’s one was. They were opposite but similar for some aspects.  
  
Yeonjun was the only one able to see how lonely Kai must felt in that moment, even if he had Soobin who loved him; Yeonjun could see how badly the younger was trying to hide his fragility, how he was trying to fight everything alone – he must be thinking that he got nothing to lose, the damages were already done.  
  
The fact he was the one Kai looked for in the moment of need made Yeonjun felt somehow important; the blue haired man saw himself and the brunette as rivals for so long, but they were far from being rivals, they were too much alike. Yeonjun could see his flaws in Kai, and he didn’t know if it was the whiskey who was speaking for him, but he wanted to protect the younger, somehow, made him feel better.  
  
So Yeonjun moved slowly in silent steps, the necessary to reach the taller boy and wrap his long arms around his broad figure. His chin resting over the top of his head, as he was still sitting on the chair and Kai’s face buried in his chest.  
“Everything is going to be okay, little one, you can count on me”  
Kai never figured out until that moment how much he needed to hear those words and, without even realizing it, his hands came to hold the elder’s shirt as he let his tear fell down, emptying his whole heart in between Yeonjun’s arms.


	7. how could i ever blame you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hewwo cuties ♡  
> we finally reached the last chapter, i'm a bit late with this because i got busy over the week and couldn't upload it on time as usual i hope you forgive me ;;______;; honestly i don't have too much to say, we reached the end and i'm very happy for this, but i'll leave my last words in the end notes so for now just sit back and enjoy the final part of this story ♡♡♡

  
Soobin opened his eyes slowly, the warm of the sun caressing him from beyond the window, warming his cheeks just right. The warmness of spring shook all his senses as soon as he sat up, slipping away from the blankets where he was wrapped until a minute ago. Everything was peaceful, he blinked his eyes twice as he laid his feet over the cold parquet, hissing as a single chill running up his spine.  
  
Slowly, the pink haired guy moved from the bed, reaching the bathroom with a couple of steps. The first thing that greeted the boy was his own reflection over the mirror.   
No more bag under his eyes, his expression looked relaxed, calm – for the first time in years, he didn’t feel any pain at all and that was quite strange. Casting aside the non-familiar feeling of wellness, Soobin proceeded to make himself some breakfast. Just when he was frying his eggs, his phone started to buzz from the kitchen counter where he left it.  
  
< _Soobinie! You’re working so hard, why don’t we take a weekend free? Let’s go have some fun!_ >

Yeonjun was indeed right, with spring coming the work at the shop was crazy and he didn’t get any rest since a while. Quickly he grabbed the phone, turned the oven off and dialled Yeonjun’s number. Three rings and the older picked up, greeting with a cheerful tone.  
  
“Did you read the message?”  
“Yes, or why should I have called you?”  
“Oh, you’re right”  
  
From the other side of the phone Beomgyu’s laughs could be heard, Soobin wasn’t surprised to hear that they were together. It was so clear that they were in love with each other, Soobin didn’t know why they were so dense about it.   
  
“So, where do you want go?”  
“Didn’t your family have a home in the countryside? Let’s go there!”  
  
Soobin stayed quite for a bit, at first the idea to return to the place where he first met Kai didn’t seemed too appealing but at the same time he hasn’t enjoyed the quiet life of the countryside since he was little. A bit of fresh air and no contact with the society wouldn’t hurt.  
  
“Yes, I’m going to ask for the keys and we can go. Beomgyu, will you come with us too?”  
“Hell yes!”  
  
The cheerful scream of the younger from the other side of the phone made the trio laugh hard. Finally, Soobin felt at peace, like his heart was never broken. Maybe he did a good job, cutting Huening Kai out of his life.   
What he didn’t expect thought was seeing the said, Huening Kai, squeezed between Taehyun and Beomgyu at the back of the car, the day of their short trip.  
  
“Are you coming or not?”  
  
Yeonjun asked, making Soobin realize he was standing in front of the opened car’s door like a fool. His eyes never left Kai who offered him a timid smile. Great, Soobin thought. He had no choice after all, he was going to deal with this situation like the adult he was. Kai was just a friend of his, they were going all together on a trip to the countryside to enjoy some healing time, nothing could go wrong.   
  
  


* * *

  
  
Luckily, they reached Soobin’s family house without much problem, the weather was nice, and the complex was big enough for the five of them. As soon as they entered in the house, everyone went to undo their bags and after that Yeonjun and Beomgyu went to grocery shops.   
  
Not having much to do, Soobin decided to head out for a walk; he missed it so bad, the fresh air caressing his face, the smell of wildflowers, the grass moving with the gentle breeze. The sun was getting down as he reached a very familiar place, an abandoned house filled with vegetation. It was amazing, the fact that nothing changed since then. When he was young everything seemed so big, but not that he was looking at it with his adult eye, and being tall 185cm, he realized that place was quite small and narrowed.  
  
“Who are you, and what are you doing in my secret base?”  
  
Like a scene he already saw, Soobin felt his cheeks becoming warm at the sudden voice that spoke to him. Like when they were kids, Huening Kai was standing there, at the entrance of the house. No more pirate bands or wooden sword, but now he was standing proudly on his feet and Soobin could not realize how much a man he was becoming.  
  
“I’m Huening Kai, 19 years old, I didn’t become a captain but I’m still looking for my princess, no actually, I’m looking for a prince. Do you know one?”  
  
Soobin didn’t say anything, staying still to observe Kai slowly getting closer and closer, until they were face to face, looking at each other eyes.  
  
“I love you, Soobin”  
  
The confession rolled so unexpectantly out of Kai’s mouth. He wasn’t prepared and maybe it was a bit rushed but the younger couldn’t just keep it for himself anymore. Soobin blinked his eyes quietly, wetting his lips with his tongue, his mind was still trying to process everything that was happening.  
  
“I thought you liked girls”  
“No! I mean, yes but I like you... more”  
  
A soft shade of pink spread over Kai’s cheeks as he kept confessing his feelings; it took him quite enough to figure them out and he couldn’t be sorrier. Kai knew Soobin suffered so much because of him and he couldn’t do anything about it, the damages were already done.  
  
“Do you know how much I waited for you?”  
“Mmh, about three years?”  
  
The little pout over the younger’s lips made Soobin laugh, his dimples showing fully on his cheeks making the situation lighter. At the end, the taller couldn’t resist, he stretched his arms out to wrap them around Kai’s waist, dragging him closer in a tight hug. Kai reciprocated the hug instantly, both not saying a word, just enjoying being that close after such a long time.  
  
“I love you too, Huening Kai”  
  
Soobin murmured, warm tears running down his soft cheeks. He thought he would never hear those words from Kai. The younger took a step back, his hands coming to cup Soobin’s cheeks, looking at his eyes with a smile. Words weren’t needed.   
  
Their lips came together as they were meant to be. That was their third kiss, and well yes, the third times had to be perfect. The way the softness of their lips met in a desperate contact, searching for each other in a hopeless dance they only knew, hands coming together to caress every inch of their being.   
Soobin felt like choking but for the first time he liked the idea, because this time was because Kai was giving him so much love, so much feelings he thought he couldn’t handle them all. When the kiss broke the younger smiled at him, his smile was still the most beautiful thing Soobin have ever seen in his whole life.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
“I can’t believe you just flirted with the cashier”   
  
Yeonjun mumbled as he sat down in the car, his hands fumbled nervously with the keys as he tried to start it. Beomgyu, now sitting beside him with his hands full of groceries, rolled his eyes.  
  
“Yes but my flirting gave us a discount”  
  
Beomgyu didn’t understand where Yeonjun was coming from, they weren’t a couple right? Spending time together from time to time didn’t meet anything. Yeonjun didn’t want to be committed so what was giving him the right to being annoyed about who he flirted with?  
  
“We didn’t need that discount, thought”  
“So what? Do you want me to say that I just wanted to flirt?”  
“Was that your real intention?”  
“Jesus, no!”  
  
Yeonjun clenched his fists over the wheel, the things were slipping out of his head. He was kind of expecting this – he was good at pretending, but he wasn’t good to deal with jealously. Sooner or later he knew for sure Beomgyu would have done something that made him explode.   
  
“Why are you so mad anyway? God, I can’t understand you, sometimes”  
  
Beomgyu murmured annoyed, pushing Yeonjun to break down. Now or never. He couldn’t take it anymore.  
  
“Because I am in love with you, okay? Are you happy now?”  
“You are… what?”  
  
Beomgyu blinked his eyes twice as Yeonjun kept his eyes glued to the road, luckily the only market available was near the zone where Soobin’s family house was.   
  
“You heard it right”  
  
The reply was short mostly since Yeonjun was too embarrassed to speak. Neither of them did though, the silence was kept until the older didn’t park the car, reaching the house. Nobody seemed around by the time they entered in, Yeonjun didn’t know if it was a good thing or not.  
  
“I think we should talk”  
“About what?”  
“You literally just said you love me like, five minutes ago?”  
“Yes and since you didn’t say anything I thought you didn’t care”   
  
Beomgyu bite his tongue, of course he didn’t say anything. He wasn’t expecting to hear those words coming from Yeonjun himself. It was still quite shocking too, for Beomgyu, he wanted to talk so bad, but his throat felt dry.   
  
As he didn’t wish this moment to happen for the past month, what didn’t expect was that it was really happening in the middle of Soobin’s family house’s kitchen while they were putting away the groceries. Beomgyu looked down, his hand fumbling with the lettuce he was holding, his heart beating like crazy inside his chest.  
  
“Yeonjun, I-”  
“Forget about it, you don’t have to say anything”  
“No just fucking listen to me, for once!”  
  
The smaller slammed his hands into the wood of the kitchen counter, making the other startled. Yeonjun never saw Beomgyu being that serious, especially when they had any kind of arguments.  
  
“I love you too, actually I love you a lot Yeonjun, I’ve been for most of the time”  
  
The blue haired man blinked his eyes, a smile was slowly forming into his face as he saw a soft veil of pink appearing over Beomgyu’s cheeks.  
  
“I didn’t know you felt the same”  
“Of course you didn’t, you were too busy being all mushy with Soobin”  
  
Yeonjun snorted, shrugging his shoulder – the older knew that whatever happened between his two friends ended long time ago but it did quite felt some impression on the poor boy.  
  
“You would have known if you asked me out _nicely_ instead to say you didn’t want a relationship”  
“So now it’s my fault?”  
“Uhm, yes?”  
  
Here they go again, their never ending bickering was back but this time felt different because Yeonjun knew he owned Beomgyu’s heart and he never felt that good since awhile. Like he was able to breathe properly. Leaving all the groceries behind, Yeonjun took a couple of steps forwards, trapping the smaller between his body and the counter, looking at him directly in his eyes, a playful smirk spread all over Yeonjun’s lips.  
  
“Say that again, that’s all my fault”  
“It’s all your fault Choi Yeonjun, for made me fall for you this much”  
  
Beomgyu’s arms naturally came to lay over Yeonjun’s shoulders, taking him down to press a kiss on his lips. Sooner enough the contact was amplified, Yeonjun grabbed the younger from his hips, caressing his mouth with his tongue.

“I suggest you to continue this in your room”  
  
Taehyun’s voice suddenly broke the moment, making the couple separate in a flash. Both where flustered, their face all red from embarrassment. Taehyun cocked an eyebrow, looking at the groceries sprawled all over the counter. Yeonjun cleared his throat, his hand slipping down to hold Beomgyu’s one.  
  
“Do you mind if…?”  
“Please, just go”  
  
As the smaller sighed the duo looked at each other before running upstairs, making Taehyun rolling his eyes. Childish, and they were even older than him? The real disease was love; he’s telling you. Quietly the brown-haired male started to reorganize the groceries, putting them in their destinated place. Halfway through his work, Soobin and Kai came into the room holding hands.  
  
“Where are Yeonjun and Beomgyu?”  
“Upstairs but-”  
  
Taehyun was about to speak when a sudden squeak sound could be heard from the stairs, the three guys looked at each other awkwardly. Yes, there was no need to explain further. They decided to start making some dinner, the lovely duo would probably come down when they were done – their barbecue night couldn’t wait any longer.

Out in the backyard Soobin was setting up the grill when Kai reached Taehyun, sitting beside him on the bench.  
  
“Hey, can we talk?”  
  
Their shoulder bumped as Kai slightly moved, stupid giant with his stupid big body. Taehyun nodded but he already knew what he was going to say, quietly he slipped his tiny hand inside the taller’s big one.  
  
“You don’t have to say anything”  
“Will you be fine?”  
“In all honestly I just can’t wait to forget you, Huening, you’re such a pain in the ass you should be grateful Soobin waited for you this long”  
  
Taehyun snorted, making both of them laugh. He was quite feeling better know, his breathe was proper and his chest didn’t hurt anymore. It was all good, he still had Kai at his side, caressing his hand and laying his stupid heavy head over his shoulder – Soobin was staring at them lovely from afar.   
Yeonjun and Beomgyu arrived a couple of minutes later, their hairs were a mess but at least they managed to put their clothes on in the right way. As Soobin nagged at them, almost sending Yeonjun to the moon with a slap on his shoulder, making everyone laugh, Taehyun looked up to the beautiful shades of the sunset; with everything settled down Taehyun understood that he didn’t need love, not now that he has found a family.   
  
They may be not the perfect human beings, they made mistakes and suffered a lot, found a love and lost another, but nothing stopped them from being together. Just the five of them. Maybe, they were meant to be together. As Taehyun closed his eyes, a sudden wind blow past them, almost scaring the boys.  
  
“What was that?”  
“Just wind, it’s not important”  
“Soobin, the meat is burning!”

  
As they returned to what they were doing, up in the sky between the soft painted clouds, petals of pastel pink rose, baby’s breath, red rose and red carnations were floating, dancing in the air before disappearing. Everything was fine now, love prevailed on everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here we are, it's over ;;___;; i'm a bit sad because it was very funny to me and it's the first time i actually managed to upload a long fic until the end so i'm somehow proud of myself. thank you so much for every kudos and comments, even for the future one someone might leave while stumble on this, i will forever appreaciated them! also, a big shout out to my friend yle who patiently betaed every single chapter ;;___;; i wouldn't be here without you!!


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